Shhhh, I've escaped from my jail cell/cubicle for a whole week! I won't give the details to the little white lie I told to get out, but Lord knows I needed the vacation time. I did something I can't stand (I lied). I don't like liars at all, but my boss/warden would've never understood my need for this time.
My plan for the week is really simple. Go to the dentist (I have $7,000 in dental work to get done...ouch and wow!), look for new employment, file my taxes and relax. I still have to get up early to drop the kids off to school. I wish I could take a real vacation, just to sit around and not have to do any motherly things. But of course when you have kids, they become your life.
I really need this time ya'll, at first I was going to take today, Tues and Fri off but it didn't make sense. When I got up this morning, every part of me said stay home and to top it off, I woke up late! I've searched for jobs with TBS, Radio-1 (again), CBS and Comcast. I applied for a couple of positions and pray that I can interview this week.
*HUGE sigh (the life I live is a broke/stressful one) and subject change*
I sent my one of my friends a txt message apologizing for acting so childish with him. I told him I wanted him to be someone he is not and I hope we can still be friends. I sent that txt yesterday afternoon and that s.o.b didn't even respond!! Awww well, at least I tried.
I need some help. I have a problem with letting men go and/or rejection (prime example above). I call it attachment issues. If I really like him, I have a hard time with him not wanting me. You won't believe some of the stupid things I've done to keep a man. I somehow fooled myself into believing that they (men) should want me. When the one I pick doesn't return the feeling, I get pissed, upset, confused, sad then depressed. I start searching for what could be wrong with me. Questioning why I've never been able to have a stable relationship. EVERY man that I have dealt with in my life has left me. I think I push men away; I have a tough exterior. I mean G-d made me really strong on the outside and a softie on the inside. You know how easy I cry? Hell, even at commercials!
As I've said in a previous post. This year, I'm working on letting go. Releasing people from my life that want nothing to do with me is one of my goals. Why should I feel bad because some man is just not that into me? I'm a beautiful work of art and one day G-d is going to bless me with a man that loves me unconditionally and I will feel the same. No more worries of letting go, I'll hold on. Right now, I feel I'm be given the time to "get right" and enjoy my single life. G-d is preparing me for someone/something spectacular...I can feel it. I haven't came through all this to be forgotten.
I'll be alright and I'll love again,
Truth
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment